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S8 Spoilers. A letter to Spike.
Dear Spike,
You are not helping! I would slap you in the damn face if I didn't think that there is a slight chance that you might have gotten shot in it. Buffy isn't the only Slayer. There have been Slayers that have had to make some really horrible decisions and lived through them, had to deal with them, ALONE until their eventual demises. Buffy should feel shame, should feel guilt, and should be questioning her actions. What hero in her situation wouldn't? It's human to question what could have been done better, and in her case, as with all cases, mistakes were made. If you want to help her, help her come to terms with what she's done. Don't excuse it. Acknowledge it and then move on. If you excuse her behavior, she is never going to fucking learn, and she is never going to live up to the saintly mantle you've placed upon her which will only make her spiral downward because that's how she ended up where she is in the first place- trying to live up to unreasonable expectations. And do you know who keeps putting unreasonable expectations on her? Every single person who keeps telling me that I am too critical or too hard on Buffy. They try to make her flaws into virtues, and that is the opposite of helpful. Flaws are flaws. Some are small, and some are big. Some aren't that important, and some affect everyone around a person. There are some flaws that need to be gotten over and changed. I don't want a perfect hero, a shining example of a level of goodness that no one can question or ever attain. I want a hero who doesn't hate himself/herself. I want a hero who takes care of himself/herself. I want a hero that when the chips are down recognizes when it's time to step back to realize that they could hurt more people by making rash, stupid decisions than if they actually consulted others, listened, had a modicum more empathy to realize that those that are fighting beside them are fighting WITH them, that they are heroes too even if they don't get a shiny, destiny-driven title.
To err is human, but unfortunate erring the errs into marks of valor is human too. Buffy is fallible, and she's not the only hero in the world. Let her have her flaws, make her accept them. If you make excuses, then you're basically saying she is perfectly flawless and can do no wrong. That only enables her self-destructive tendencies and her superiority complex and the inferiority complex she has about the superiority complex. She is not the balance on the scale. To steal an old phrase that my cantankerous old Christianly grandmother used to say, Buffy'd still outweigh the True Cross.... which is a fancy way of saying that no matter how much of a good person one thinks one is or tries to be, your shit is still going to stink... unless you're a vampire... and then the issue of whether or not you go to the bathroom is still debatable...
If you love Buffy, help her. For God's sake, help her even if it means hurting her feelings. Hurting them might make her realize that she still has them. In the end, every action she takes with her life is up to her. It's not your burden to support her, but if you want to be that crutch for the rest of her natural life, you better get yourself right with you as well as start making Buffy face some hard truths about herself. Somebody has to have a "come to Jesus" moment, and if she's not willing to help herself (really help herself, not get another job that she doesn't like to hurt herself further by reminding herself of all her past failures), then you've got to give her up. Go find Connor where-ever Joss Whedon has stashed him and leave to start over elsewhere because, what you're doing with trying to turn Buffy's anger away from herself and onto those who have rightful criticisms of her, is not helping. You are hindering the healing process, so please stop before she decides that you're the root of her problems again.
Love from your faithful friend,
Fender
Dear Spike,
You are not helping! I would slap you in the damn face if I didn't think that there is a slight chance that you might have gotten shot in it. Buffy isn't the only Slayer. There have been Slayers that have had to make some really horrible decisions and lived through them, had to deal with them, ALONE until their eventual demises. Buffy should feel shame, should feel guilt, and should be questioning her actions. What hero in her situation wouldn't? It's human to question what could have been done better, and in her case, as with all cases, mistakes were made. If you want to help her, help her come to terms with what she's done. Don't excuse it. Acknowledge it and then move on. If you excuse her behavior, she is never going to fucking learn, and she is never going to live up to the saintly mantle you've placed upon her which will only make her spiral downward because that's how she ended up where she is in the first place- trying to live up to unreasonable expectations. And do you know who keeps putting unreasonable expectations on her? Every single person who keeps telling me that I am too critical or too hard on Buffy. They try to make her flaws into virtues, and that is the opposite of helpful. Flaws are flaws. Some are small, and some are big. Some aren't that important, and some affect everyone around a person. There are some flaws that need to be gotten over and changed. I don't want a perfect hero, a shining example of a level of goodness that no one can question or ever attain. I want a hero who doesn't hate himself/herself. I want a hero who takes care of himself/herself. I want a hero that when the chips are down recognizes when it's time to step back to realize that they could hurt more people by making rash, stupid decisions than if they actually consulted others, listened, had a modicum more empathy to realize that those that are fighting beside them are fighting WITH them, that they are heroes too even if they don't get a shiny, destiny-driven title.
To err is human, but unfortunate erring the errs into marks of valor is human too. Buffy is fallible, and she's not the only hero in the world. Let her have her flaws, make her accept them. If you make excuses, then you're basically saying she is perfectly flawless and can do no wrong. That only enables her self-destructive tendencies and her superiority complex and the inferiority complex she has about the superiority complex. She is not the balance on the scale. To steal an old phrase that my cantankerous old Christianly grandmother used to say, Buffy'd still outweigh the True Cross.... which is a fancy way of saying that no matter how much of a good person one thinks one is or tries to be, your shit is still going to stink... unless you're a vampire... and then the issue of whether or not you go to the bathroom is still debatable...
If you love Buffy, help her. For God's sake, help her even if it means hurting her feelings. Hurting them might make her realize that she still has them. In the end, every action she takes with her life is up to her. It's not your burden to support her, but if you want to be that crutch for the rest of her natural life, you better get yourself right with you as well as start making Buffy face some hard truths about herself. Somebody has to have a "come to Jesus" moment, and if she's not willing to help herself (really help herself, not get another job that she doesn't like to hurt herself further by reminding herself of all her past failures), then you've got to give her up. Go find Connor where-ever Joss Whedon has stashed him and leave to start over elsewhere because, what you're doing with trying to turn Buffy's anger away from herself and onto those who have rightful criticisms of her, is not helping. You are hindering the healing process, so please stop before she decides that you're the root of her problems again.
Love from your faithful friend,
Fender
