Fangirlish shame...

[fenderlove]

Since I have a lot to be ashamed about...


1. The very first fic I ever wrote was Hanson incest slash. For the fact that it was Hanson alone means that I should be shot. I was like thirteen at the time and honestly did not realize that it was incesty slash until I was fifteen. Thank God I never posted it on the Internet. I'm deeply shamed to coin a Spike-ish phrase.

2. Since that terrible first forey into RPS (which I didn't know existed at the time), I wound up writing Billy Idol/David Bowie, Steve Jones/Paul Cook, and Johnny Rotten/Sid Vicious. These fics I still have... and will never see the light of day.

3. Those who know me know that I have to quote a movie/TV show/song/novel/comic book/Strong Bad/anything that isn't originally written by me every ten seconds or I die. Literally. I don't think I've said an original thing in years. Most will notice it in my LJ. For some reason, I enjoy Spike's "I'm deeply shamed" line far far too much for my own good.

4. After the musician fandoms, I moved into anime, where I learned what a magically little thing called slash was... and my life has never been the same. I blame Sailor Moon for teaching me that American TV execs don't think it's right to show a guy cartoon character kissing another guy cartoon character so you have to make the more girly character a girl instead so it will be "appropriate" for children. Until I watched Sailor Moon, I never realized that some people would find two guys in love socially unacceptable. I also blame Revolutionary Girl Utena for giving me a slash pairing that I dearly love and refuse to part with. I heart Touga/Saionji. Theirloveissosadomasochistic.

5. BtVS made me realize that I am a truly kinky person... and it also got me over a deep-rooted fear of vampires I've had since I was four. BtVS also made me want to write more fics... better fics... and I failed miserably. The only fic I've written longer than a drabble is a tremendous flop of a Mary-Sue fic. I took the BtVS lythmus test; I know she's a Sue. I admit it freely. Am I ashamed? Yes. Will that stop me from eventually continueing the fic? No. I love my Sue character, Ursula, because she's nothing like me (Those of you who have read said fic will notice that I'm actually in the fic as a bg chara with very few lines which provide comedy only). Oh Lord, The River That Flows has like every bad!fic thing to make your eyes melt and your brain explode. So far I've posted 30-something chapters and it's got like twenty more! Plus, this is only the first installment. It's got three pre-quels and two sequels! It's got an appendix for God's sake just so I can say, "Look! I spotted this little known fact about suchandsuch, and I added to my fic! I'm a real fan!" *gags on own vomit* Also, it's got Spike/Buffy reunion sex, Buffy abusing Spike, weepysouled!Spike, mystically pregnancies, and a Sue that is over 2000 years old, crazy, no one likes, almost ate Jesus, and tries to put Buffy in her place but fails miserably. People told me that they liked the fic though and wanted me to continue. I guess maybe it was just so off-the-wall and weird that people found it interesting... Or maybe 1975 Glam Rock!Spike with a David Bowie mullet is just damned funny.

6. Give me slash or give me death! Give me slash or cake! ... On second thought, could I have both? For some reason, I have selective kinks, i.e. kinks that I only have when they apply to Spike and Angel... like daddy!kink, baby!kink, little one, mpreg, etc. I have a thing for cute crybaby!Spike. ^__~  <<< The winkie emoticon. My crack. You've seen my comments. You know what I'm talking about.

7. I am an 80s cartoon whore. I write Jem and the Holograms fanfiction when no one is looking. *dies*