fenderlove | Buffy #37: the Review.

This is very late, but here it is... in all its rage-filled glory. Word of warning to those that adored this issue- I didn't, and I make no bones about showing my displeasure in great detail. If I could grade this issue lower than an "F" I would. Wait, I can. I give this issue an "H" for haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate as well as head-desk. I also warn you because I am filled with PMS cramps, a horrible staph infection in my arms which makes it painful to type, and I got no sleep last night because I watched too many Friday the 13th movies on AMC. Today I am made of pure bitch... and I kinda like it.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer #37: Last Gleaming, Part Two.

This story is just about as dumb as a box of hair. I actually didn't want to do this review 'cause I felt like people were acting like they got the best birthday present they ever got and I'd just be pissing all over it, but I can't pretend I'm happy at all with this. It just gets more and more ridiculous, almost defiantly stupid. I feel like this is some Kafkaesque experiment in "how much can my audience take before they bring out the pitchforks and torches?" on Whedon's part. There's even giant bugs. How appropriate.

The Review:

More with Buffy being portrayed as a complete and utter moron. She's surprised that a ship has hot water? Really? I guess she'd also be surprised that ocean liners are made of metal yet float on water too. Also, how is anything that happened NOT her fault at least partially if we were to believe that the Glowhypnol is a totally fanon concoction and the actual writers say that she was completely under her own free will? There's a lot that's her fault, specifically. While Buffy instantly denies her culpability and proclaims that the Universe set her up, she really has no direct proof of that. She has assumptions and takes what Angel told her as gospel with no corroboration. She believes it because she wants it to be true; she doesn't want to believe that a conscious choice she made has led to such a horrible catastrophe that could have easily been avoided, even though she admits to it a few moments later in her fantasy. Speaking of...

Guess what? Spike's still Buffy's "dark place," and that's supposed to be a compliment. But when did being Buffy's dirty little secret that's so horrible that she believes her friends will all desert her if they find out because Buffy thinks so little of her pals become a compliment? We see what Spike is to Buffy in perfect clarity- the guy to be there and be her dildo. That's all she wants out of him. He's nothing- NOTHING- to her besides a place to hide from reality. We're supposed to find her behavior what? Cute? Funny? Am I supposed to be happy that Spike has been relegated to being placated with moronic platitudes and then be reduced to the most basic marital aid? The sad thing is Buffy knows how to hurt him, how to play him for her own pleasure and that's exactly what she's fantasizing about. Hell, she just told Angel that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, and then she has so little brainpower that she can't stop herself from imagining Spike as her peroxided magic bullet? Buffy has no regrets about what she did with Angel, no desire to take back anything that she said or did, and yet there she is wanting Spike's penis too. That's just greedy.

You know, if Spike was in her place, and he was fantasizing about Drusilla five minutes after boning Buffy and telling her how much he loves her over all others? People would be calling Spike a dog, a player, a scoundrel, but because Buffy's a woman and this comic is all about "grrl power" I'm not supposed to be able to criticize her behavior. I am going to criticize her behavior. Fidelity thy name is not Buffy. She can blame it on "the wind" or a "switch" but when you get down to it this is the Buffy that's always been here, the same girl that can't make up her damn mind and choose. You don't recommit to a guy and then just start fantasizing about someone else. That's cheap and demeaning to both Angel and Spike. Like I said, if a guy character was doing this, no one would claim that it was natural or that it is normal. They'd complain that he was being made into an immature frat boy who can't get enough pussy. Buffy is not different because she's a woman. She needs to be held to the same standard. It's not okay for her to flip-flop just because she's female and we need to protect her right to be sexually free. She's already sexually free. No one is criticizing her for having sex. Everyone should be criticizing her for her horrendous timing. We see a woman who has no consideration for other's feelings. Men are the same to her, useless pieces of flesh, like Ken dolls with interchangeable heads. You can bet that when this is all over Buffy will have changed her mind again about spending the rest of her life with Angel. "It's just too much! So many bad memories!" she'll weep. Or, you know, she could just slam the door in Angel's face once she realizes he has a kid 'cause at least that would fit the theme of the whole abandonment text.

Oh, sure, I could wank some meta so fast your head would spin. I could turn that whole scene to mean that Spike's always been Buffy's one TWU WUV because his peen is just the right size. In fact, I could come up with a long essay about how Spike and Buffy's house-crashing sex is a metaphor for the Wizard of Oz , which means that Spike represents hearth, heart, and home, and Buffy just needs to click her heels (i.e. missionary sex) to realize that he's where she needs to be, but that would negate the fact that Buffy's acting like a horny sponge and Spike's being a jerk. This ain't no fairy tale. There's no magical hidden meaning of heroic mythos, harkening back to legends and journeys of old. It's Joss being Joss, and he sucks at his job. It's the same old story about what's going in Buffy's lady parts mattering more than a coherent story.

Spike, for his part, is very no-nonsense, very Spartan. I think he's steeled himself for the job ahead, not to be distracted by his own feelings. He doesn't have time for her pitiful excuses or her idiotic daydreaming. In the long and short of it, Spike is being quite mean, but in my opinion it's well-deserved. He has no idea what she's thinking, but he knows that she should have more important matters on than brain than what she's most likely thinking about (he was right, technically, but he got the casting all wrong). Since there's so little time to do any kind of explanation as to how Spike came to any of the information he's presenting as fact, we have to accept his word for it, but it also makes Spike sound like a royal jackass in how he's talking down to people.

At least Spike tries to prevent Buffy from doing something immensely stupid. He doesn't succeed, but at least she won't be alone as she launches herself foolishly out of his steampunk ship. Who the hell does that?! I sorta wish one of those military planes would have clipped her and sent her face-first into the bloody dirt. Has she just given up on common sense now? Am I giving her too much credit by assuming she once had common sense? Am I suppose to be reacting "Oh, golly gee, that Buffy! Look at her jumping out of that ship! She's so brave and impetuous, not caring about the safety of others or the leadership role she represents! Oh, and she's happy that Spike's sorta touching her bum! That means she loves him!" kind of way? What am I supposed to be taking away from this story besides a bunch of regret that I watched a show that came from the mind of a madman (and not in a charming Lovecraftian category of mad either)?

The Seed is the source of all magic in the world. It's older than older, older than the First. The Seed created the world, and then came the Primordium, with Illyria and the Old Ones, that the Seed caused to spill out from a random hell dimension. The Seed also apparently kept the Old Ones at war but kept them from leaving this dimension (which is a complete contradiction from what we learn from Drogyn and Illyria about why the Old Ones either left this dimension or retired to the Deeper Well... also being an Old One was supposed to mean that you easily slipped from dimension to dimension). Spike says that as long as the corky Seed stays in the Hellmouth, things stay as they should be with the worlds not bleeding into one another (which already happened with Dawn's blood, so the seed's not that grand at its job), which doesn't make a whole lot of sense what with things constantly going in and coming out of the Hellmouth. Also, why is it in the Sunnydale Hellmouth? Why not the Ohio one? Seems like hiding in a larger, more bustling city would be a better hidey-hole We also learn through Willow's snakey pal that the heroes have to stop Twilight from removing or destroying the egg or there could be dire consequences. Are there any other kind? For those keeping track:

1. Seed in Hellmouth- dimensional walls stay up for the most part creating paths for magic, vampires, and humans co-mingle.
2. Remove the Seed from Hellmouth- dimensional walls break down entirely, earth is destroyed, a new world is ushered in.
3. Destroy the Seed- dimensional walls stay sealed up forever, destroying the paths for the magic to exist on earth. Slayers already called would stay, vampires, etc.

Why does the world really need magic and demonic entities from other realms? In Season Seven, Willow talked about all the magic running through the Earth. There's a hole in the world for a reason- it doesn't negate anything; it connects everything. There is something so beautiful in wholeness created by what should be a void, and Whedon just ruins it all but saying that all that interconnectivity wouldn't exist without some stupid glowing egg. All the witches in the world draw their power from "elsewhere" so not only must Willow make sure that Twilight is stopped from removing the egg but that Buffy must protect it.

Giles worries about why he didn't recognize that the Seed was in Sunnydale. To which Fender asks, who would? We've never heard of this thing until now, doesn't make any kind of sense in the scope of either BtVS or Ats, and is just about the dumbest, most retconniest plot device I've ever heard of. Oh, Twilight was just an inevitability? No, nothing is ever an inevitability, except death and even Destiny makes exceptions. I believe that there are only two absolutes in this life: One, never get involved in a land war in Asia, and two, never give Joss Whedon total creative control. Everything else is up in the air. Apparently the Exposition Champions of the World, Giles and Spike, are the only people who will come to the correct conclusion about what "must be done" to protect the Seed, which will likely be someone's gonna have to die... probably Dawn. Oh, come on, you know Dawn's gonna die. Xander totally doomed her by making plans for the future.

I'm not really sure Giles grasps why Faith is upset. Why does he assume she's upset because she won't be needed anymore? If he thinks that, his marbles are rattled worse than I thought. I tend to read it more as Faith is more disappointed in Buffy than anything. Then again, nothing in this book is as it should be, so she could just be grumpy that Spike's ship was serving enchiladas instead of sloppy joes that day.

Angel is totally oblivious to Buffy's mental escapades while he "helps" other Slayers around the world... and by help, he douses them in blood and basically usurps their efforts to stand around like a big hero. Quickly, to the Angel Mobile! Away! In a way, Angel is sort of acting as Buffy is. He's so wrapped up in himself in the same way that Buffy was all shower-ready, so consumed with their own needs and wants that they truly aren't seeing the big picture even when it's right in front of their fucking faces. Angel says he needs "this" as he swoops down to a fight scene, but what is "this?" The saving people? Seeing the aftereffects of his most selfish, reckless endeavor? The acting like a complete and utter douchebag? The escape from most of his responsibilities? The ability to just pummel things to his heart's content? What is "this?"

In the end, we have the unlikely Protector of the Seed (which sounds dirty) turn out to be the Master... the Master who wanted to get out of Sunnydale, get out of the underground bunker he was trapped in... who spent the years prior to 1937 traveling the world. Who was the Protector of the Seed prior to 1937 before the Master got trapped inside the old Spanish Mission? Was the Master carrying it around in a carpet bag? No, wait, it had to stay in the Hellmouth... even though the Master was trapped in the Spanish Mission unconnected to the Hellmouth under the old SHS Library... Kinda hard to protect something when you're completely jammed into a cavern several city blocks away from the object you're supposed to be protecting. Did he get the job after 1997 when he died the last time? Like, did he get to come back from dusty talc bones in return for being the Seed's Protector? Something tells me that the union benefits must suck ass.

And so, because Buffy's birth metaphor wouldn't be complete without it, the evil glowy-maned lion from her Judas dream all those issues ago reappears. Angel is its father, and Buffy is its mother, and it's feeling like a Prom Night Dumpster Baby. Also, it has no soul... I don't suppose it would since it's more of a concept and a whole dimension and whatever other ridiculousness Whedon and Allie can stomach to cram into this slop. God, I can't believe this is still going to continue for months. *sigh*

This is no fairytale of epic proportions. In the words of the late, great Fred Burkle, "Now you'd think that was the end, wouldn'tcha? Dumb old fairy tales and their happily ever afters. But see, the minute they got back to the castle, the handsome man went away again. And even though she didn't mean to, didn't want to, high up in that castle the girl just built herself another cave, hoping he would save her again. But you can't save me this time. Can you?" The only way everyone's getting out of this is to fend for themselves 'cause their fearless leaderess has gone loco and Angel is about to make yet another really, really, REALLY stupid decision.

Current Mood: bitchy
Current Location: The Den.
Current Music: None.

Tags:

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Date: 2010-10-23 08:08 am (UTC)

From:

There was a princess who lived in a blog far far away...

Page Summary

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags