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I really shouldn't be alone around my birthday. It's just asking for me to have a breakdown. For more on real-life not-funness click
Okay, I've been about to cry all day. I honestly hate my birthday. It reminds me that I'm getting old and one step closer to death. Now, have in mind that I'm still a few years off before I get to my mid-twenties. I guess I just have a doom-and-gloom mentality. I think it's the fact that my relationships never work out. See, many might remember I talked of a fiancee who would be coming to New York with me. My closer friends thought I was joking; none of them knew that one of my guyfriends was going to marry me. Well, that ended when he decided he didn't want to leave TN for me. I've only had two substancial relationships in my entire life, and they both ended with the "we'll still be friends" thing. God, I hate that. I was walking to get some dinner, and I just burst into tears on the sidewalk. No warning, just BAM. It was so cold, and the tears felt like they were going to freeze on my face. It was that burning kind of cold. The only way I can calm myself down is by saying to myself, "What would James think he if came across you right now? He would probably think you looked like a drowned rat and toss you a Kleenex." It's fangirlish and stupid but it usually works. Unfortunately, tonight, it only made me cry harder. I just couldn't stop, and people were passing by not saying anything, just staring at me. It makes me sick to my stomach. I feel so old. You ever seen that movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"? I feel like Toula right now. Only, I'll never get a John Corbitt-type of guy. I realize that my life isn't getting any better. It's only getting worse.
I'll be fine tomorrow when people are around me, but right now I just feel like my whole world is falling apart.
Okay, I've been about to cry all day. I honestly hate my birthday. It reminds me that I'm getting old and one step closer to death. Now, have in mind that I'm still a few years off before I get to my mid-twenties. I guess I just have a doom-and-gloom mentality. I think it's the fact that my relationships never work out. See, many might remember I talked of a fiancee who would be coming to New York with me. My closer friends thought I was joking; none of them knew that one of my guyfriends was going to marry me. Well, that ended when he decided he didn't want to leave TN for me. I've only had two substancial relationships in my entire life, and they both ended with the "we'll still be friends" thing. God, I hate that. I was walking to get some dinner, and I just burst into tears on the sidewalk. No warning, just BAM. It was so cold, and the tears felt like they were going to freeze on my face. It was that burning kind of cold. The only way I can calm myself down is by saying to myself, "What would James think he if came across you right now? He would probably think you looked like a drowned rat and toss you a Kleenex." It's fangirlish and stupid but it usually works. Unfortunately, tonight, it only made me cry harder. I just couldn't stop, and people were passing by not saying anything, just staring at me. It makes me sick to my stomach. I feel so old. You ever seen that movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"? I feel like Toula right now. Only, I'll never get a John Corbitt-type of guy. I realize that my life isn't getting any better. It's only getting worse.
I'll be fine tomorrow when people are around me, but right now I just feel like my whole world is falling apart.