Fender LiveBlogs The Avengers...

[fenderlove]

I got to see it thanks to a friend for free, so no money went to anyone I don't like. I wish I could give all the actors, like, $5 apiece though for being so damned perfect. Should I clap because Whedon didn't royally fuck this up? Nah, I can just wallow in my bitterness that if he put half the effort into Season 7, 8, and 9 of BtVS that he put into this film, I wouldn't hate him as much as I do. In the immortal words of Tom Hiddleston, "Ehehehe!"


- Alexis Denisof?
- Agent Coulson is so awesome.
- I keep hearing Nick Fury yelling, "I WAS TOLD I WOULD BE PAID IN SNO-CONES!"
- "CAW CAW MUTHAFUCKA!"
- It's my sugar-baby-pudding-pop! And he's crazy as hell!
- "I am Loki of Asgard, and I am burdened with glorious sass."
- Loki, sugar-dumpling, we need to talk about your hair. I could run an entire middle school cafeteria with the amount of grease in your raven locks. PANTENE'D!
- Tom Hiddleston's lips should not be allowed to shape the word "boot"... or "snuffleupagus."
- Loki, that is not how you get into a car. Do you even know what a car is?
- Maria Hill, Super Agent! And Agent Coulson is even more awesome for being more concerned about his people than the tech they were carrying.
- Well, S.H.I.E.L.D. just got turned into Sunnydale. Congrats.
- It's the one that says "Badass MotherFucker."
- Crap, I need subtitles for Black Widow's interrogation. Fuck.
- I suppose a woman kicking ass in a tight dress is Whedon's trademark. Black Widow is still amazing though.
- Oh, Bruce. "I'm sorry, that was mean." Bruce, you're breaking my heart.
- Ass of Chris Evans. I've missed you! And hi, Cappy! :D
- Pepper and Tony are having 12% of a moment.
- Coulson and Cap are adorable. *hearts*
- Loki is transitioning into the Other World! He's gonna get raped by Pyramid-Head! *screams*
- Stop crying, Loki! You got yourself into this mess!
- That split second in Stuttgart when Loki smiles is too much like Tom Hiddleston. That's why it was only a 79% match on the Biometric Analysis. XD
- Joss also trademarks handsome fellows in long black coats who know how to make an entrance.
- I find Loki's helmet very appealing.
- I hope that the whole Loki-is-compatible-with-Hitler thing is the tritest Joss's writing will get in this film. Seriously, Whedon? I hope you were going for Golden Age level of cheese with that 'cause it's just lazy and cheap.
- Reindeer Games.
- The fact that Loki's costume is apparently able to disappear and reappear at will is pretty hot.
- "What's the matter? Scared of a little lightning?" "I'm not overly fond of what follows." Aww, Loki knows his big brother is coming for him.
- Thor, do not unbuckle your brother out of his safety seat while the vehicle is in motion! For the love of Odin, he's gonna spill his juicebox!
- "There's only one God, ma'am." Oh, Cap, you cliche motherfucker, even your cum is stars-and-stripes, isn't it? AMURRICA FUCK YEAH!
- Daaaaayum, Thor's biceps have gotten bigger!
- The fun thing about Loki is that what he says always has logic to it. That's the glory of true mischief.
- "You think yourself above them?" "Well... yes."
- I've got so many brother feels right now. "You come home!" Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
- Huginn and Muninn! Daddy Odin is watching over his boys!
- Loki, you little shit, don't sit up on the rocks and smirk while Big Brother handles the Man of Iron. RUN AWAY.
- Thor's head is harder than Iron Man's helmet. Of course, it is. XD
- LOKI, DID YOU SERIOUSLY STAY ON THAT CLIFF AND WAIT FOR THOR TO COME AND GET YOU?! Could you be more obvious that you're creating a trap for everyone by getting caught? You're such a fucking little shit. Agh! I can't even!
- Loki doesn't even know what a magazine is, Nick.
- "He's adopted." Thor, you are a big bag of dicks. This is why Loki is evil. (I'm kidding, of course, but really? Why does being adopted sound so horrible coming from you? So easily it is for you to be dismissive of your brother who you were just speechifying at. "Did that mean nothing to you?!" Well, you know what? I hope you find out that Frigga's not your real mom in Thor 2! I hope you see how it feels to be dismissed because of one's parentage!)
- GALAGA.
- Cap only understands a few references.
- The tip of Loki's spear looks like the LUST harness from SE7EN. I'm just saying.
- So... this whole film is just the Yoko Factor?
- SPANGEL-Y.
- Jane is safe, at least.
- "Big antlers..." Chaos demons?
- "In my youth, I courted war..." You mean last year, Thor? When you were plotting the genocide of an entire race but Natalie Portman's "love" showed you the way to being a righteous and benevolent ruler? I'm sorry, but you are a big bag of dicks. I say that with all of the love in my heart because you are my squishy, Thor, but Christ... if you don't get under my skin sometimes.
- "Can you wipe out that much red?" Aaaaaaand we're moving into Dead Things.
- Loki and Natasha = "I never knew you had so much rage in you." "What can I say? I'm the world's best actress." "Second best." "Graduation day? Did we miss anything?" "I think that we know all that she knows." "You played me? YOU PLAYED ME!" *slow clap*
- Back to the Yoko Factor. It's funnier with Drunk!Giles. "I'm sorry. Did we come to your planet and blow stuff up?" I stand corrected. I want Giles to get drunk with Fury.
- I can understand why Jeremy Renner said this wasn't the role he signed on for. I'd be disappointed if this was all I got to do.
- "You people are so petty and tiny."
- Oh, Bruce... Bruce, no...
- Thor, where did you leave Mew-Mew? How many walls did it have to break through?
- "Target angry!" Oh, I hope that guy survived.
- "Are you ever not going to fall for that?" I have a headcanon that Loki's been fooling Thor with his illusions like this since they were itty bitty baby godlings.
- Phil, nooooo! I was spoiled for this, but still-- nooooooooo!
- Loki, why are you doing this to me? Why? What did I ever do to deserve you being such an ass to your brother and the whole world? All I ever did was try to love you and give you hugs, but you only repay me with sass and murder.
- It's a Whedon project. Of course, someone likable was going to die with a sudden sucking wound to the chest. Didn't you know that? YOU GOT JOSS'D!
- "Ow! Sissy-kicker!" "Let go of my hair!"
- It's like Thor-Boggle.
- That's right, Phil. Keep the villain speechifying. He's an insecure asshole; he NEEDS to speechify.
- Cap and Tony are my favourite couple.
- I bet Coulson is not dead. He'll be back for the sequel.
- Aww, Big Brother feels unworthy of Mew-Mew because he can't save or stop Loki.
- "Well, then, son, you've got a condition." I want this old man to be a reoccurring character.
- "Loki is full-tilt diva... Son of a bitch."
- "Glow Stick of Destiny..." If the Tesseract is made of Mountain Dew, I will choke a bitch.
- "This usually works." "Performance issues?" / "I'm only 126!" "Maybe you should wait half an hour and try again." Thank you, The Initiative.
- The Iron Man suit looks so good.
- Tom Hiddleston's battle-cry is the stuff of legend.
- The single tear that falls from Loki's eye after he stabs Thor and says, "Sentiment" = WHY?!
- Loki blew up a Dr. Pepper truck! All that innocent soda! That bastard! Oh, wait...
- "I don't see how that's a party." = Best line in the movie.
- BRUCE! You are my hero! :D
- Thor can just stare at blasts as hot as the sun apparently.
- There's the trailer shot.
- GOD OF THUNDER! BY THE POWER OF MJOLNIR! I mean, BY THE POWER OF MEW-MEW!
- And Thor gets smashed in his big Norse face.
- "I recognize that the Council has made a decision, but given that it is a stupid-ass decision I've chosen to ignore it." YOU TELL ME WHERE MY SUIT IS, WOMAN!
- Loki is not that puny. *sighs and gets out the first aid kit* We're going to need so many many Bandaids.
- Oh, Dr. Selvig.
- Right in my feels. Pepper, get your phone!
- Time for shawarma.
- Loki stop being so damned adorable when you're defeated.
- STAN LEE CAMEO! Just your daily reminder that Jack Kirby died penniless.
- Who is that waitress? I recognize her, but I can't place her. (ETA: Oh, it's Dreama Little from CSI: LV.)
- I find Loki's muzzle very sexy. Unfortunately, he's going to be spending eternity in time-out by the looks of it... after Odin takes a belt to his ass.
- Stark Tower looks like a llama.
- THANOS! Of course... now where's my Fantastic Four movie, you assholes?! Gimme! I need my Reed Richards/Victor Von Doom feels! I need Latverian flags EVERYWHERE!
- Thor, chew your shawarma with your mouth closed. Were you raised in a barn with Odin's chariot goats?



You know, since Joss likes to claim that everything bad about his films is really the fault of other people (the Kazuis, the actors in his Alien film, FOX not understanding his vision), I'm just going to give all the credit for the good things in the Avengers to Zak Penn. It doesn't matter if none of his original screenplay survived to the final cut. I'm still giving him credit. How does it feel, Whedon, ya sad sack of old oats?! ETA: It doesn't help that I felt like most of the best lines in the film were ripped right out of the BtVS playbook. This is the first time I've viewed this film, and it was really bugging me the whole way through as I noted.

Comments

[velvetwhip.livejournal.com]

Not being of the superhero-fan bent, I won't be seeing this one.


Gabrielle (who still hates Season 7 so much)

[fenderlove.livejournal.com]

*hugs!* There needs to be a support group for those who have survived Season Seven.

[velvetwhip.livejournal.com]

There truly does.

Also, based on what I know, I would hate Seasons 8 & 9 as well, I simply have no access to the comics and thus have been spared their assault on my psyche.


Gabrielle

[fenderlove.livejournal.com]

You have indeed been spared. I stayed away from S8 until I was "forced" to read them (people kept telling me that my opinions on the spoilers didn't matter because I wasn't reading them, so I read them... and still had the same opinions about how stupid everything was). I've stayed away from S9, but the spoilers keep me fairly disgusted.

[sockmonkeyhere.livejournal.com]

I've never seen this movie and don't really have any plans to, but I enjoyed the HELL out of your review! I also laughed my ass off in many appropriate places, and I fully agree with you that Whedon is a blatant recycler of his own works and that it's a damn shame he didn't put as much effort into the later BtVS/AtS seasons and that his whining about faults being everyone's but his means that someone -- hell, anyone -- but him should be given credit for everything in this movie that's good. (I also hope that his new movie career will keep him the hell out of the Buffy comics. They're shitty enough without his input.)

[fenderlove.livejournal.com]

The Loki vs. Black Widow talk-off was perfectly on beat with the Buffy/Faith/Angel scene in Season 3. It was uncanny. Also, when will Whedon learn that people who know his work will predict a death leading into the third act in which sudden dies with a sudden jump-cut out of nowhere and a spray of blood from a big chest wound-- Penny from Dr. Horrible, that guy on Firefly, Tara, Anya... It just goes on and on.
There's also this:
Tony: "Loki is a full-tilt diva" *realizes that he's just described himself* Son of a bitch!
Spike: You've been made the right cuckhold you have! *realizes he's been made a cuckhold too* Son of a bitch!

It actually takes away a lot of enjoyment that might have been had because I was constantly reminded of something that I once loved that got destroyed by Whedon's own unwillingness to let go and let other people play with his toys.

[sockmonkeyhere.livejournal.com]

You know who was even worse than Whedon about recycling old works? Michael Landon. He used music, plots, dialogue, and sometimes even entire scripts from "Bonanza" episodes in his TV shows "Little House on the Prairie" and "Father Murphy." I guess he thought that enough years had passed that viewers wouldn't recognize it, but he forgot about how often Bonanza was being rerun and that many of us viewers had seen the Bonanza episodes multiple times. I remember watching a Father Murphy ep in which Murphy and his pal traveled to a new town and got mistaken for famous outlaws -- it was the first time this Murphy episode had aired, but I found myself reciting the dialogue with the characters word-for-word, because I had seen the Bonanza version, with Hoss and Candy in the roles, so many times that I'd memorized it!

[fenderlove.livejournal.com]

Oh... that's very sad... and weird.

[ericadawn16.livejournal.com]

Interesting...I'm glad my Buffy memory is rusty. I just sort of smiled and enjoyed what I recognized since it's what writers do. Shakespeare cannibalized his stuff all the time.

After the first few viewings, I was finally able to recognize Alexis. He is VERY disguised and CGId and voice distorted. I hope Alyson can be in the sequel but then we also need Josh Radnor and Jason Segel to do something with Joss and then it's the whole cast.

When people say they find his Loki hair the most attractive...I just don't understand. It's greasier than Snape's. It's like how book Snape's hair is SUPPOSED to look like.

I wasn't bothered with the Hitler thing because it was tying in with Captain America especially for those who hadn't seen the earlier movie. The conversation actually went longer with Loki referring to "The Great War" and Cap saying, "It wasn't that great" and Loki going, "Mine will be."

I still always imagine God and Jesus dressing in Asgardian outfits when Cap dies just so they can laugh and go, "Loki'd!"
"remember: even God has a sense of humor. Just look at the Platypus. "

Oh, but he does stay and smirk and I love how those little moments show how he still loves Thor even though he feels he can't.

"- So... this whole film is just the Yoko Factor?"
LOL

Actually, wouldn't Superstar be more appropriate considering the deal with Thanos and all?

(shrugs) What can I say? I love watching a woman gain the upper hand and the fact it it's the freaking Trickster, Silver Tongue himself? Gah, I could watch that scene over and over. To me, it was an improvement on the scene you mentioned since the whole jealousy/boyfriend/etc always sort of rubbed me the wrong way there but here, I just loved all of it. There's a lot more going on with Natasha and her backstory and Loki and his projecting his thoughts and lack of self worth onto others.
i
I always imagine Thor having to attend a house meeting where the rest of the Avengers go, Look, you are going to PICK UP your damn hammer and carry it with you because we are tired of patching the walls!
I did like how this was sort of acknowledged by his hesitating to take it in the field, like he had been taking it for granted again and felt unworthy for falling for Loki's tricks and not preventing Coulson's murder.

For once, this was not Whedon. He was told to do it by Feige. Otherwise, you can see how much Joss loves Coulson by the amount of screentime/actual dialogue/in the shot somehow, the ten million ways he left to undo it in the future and having Clark Gregg in Much Ado about Nothing. I can't wait for MAAN. I'm only sad that it's in black and white but I realize that was a cost issue.

I'm not believing he's permanently dead until the very last credits scene of Avengers 2. After all, there was no funeral and Pepper wasn't told...

Old guy is Harry Dean Stanton. Joss was told he could get him so he wrote this whole new scene during filming and I'm glad it happened.

Ashley Johnson aka waitress is also from Dollhouse...bringing the former Whedon projects actors to...four or five, I think? I still have to rewatch Somnambulist...Jeremy Renner vampire, woo! Hopefully, the Avengers BluRay next month has her whole role including Stan Lee's OTHER cameo where he tells Cap to ask the pretty girl out. I'm also hoping for the missing Peggy scene but I know we should at least get the one where he reads everyone's SHIELD file...his, Peggy, Howard, Bucky and the Howling Commandos since Bucky is actually MIA on his file setting us up for...WINTER SOLDIER!

I'm still sad about the Fantastic 4 reboot because I want Franklin and Valeria and we'll never get to them at this rate. Plus, we're rebooting movies when so many tales have yet to be told even once onscreen...Carol Danvers, Scarlet Witch, Natasha's backstory, Clint's backstory...until proven otherwise Phil "made a different call" first, Vision but we are getting Guardians of the Galaxy and instead of a SHIELD movie, a whole freaking tv show so there's hope.

Maybe DC will even shape up and we'll finally get Wonder Woman.

I've seen The Avengers eight times so I have a lot of Pheels and feelings about it.

[fenderlove.livejournal.com]

I just sort of smiled and enjoyed what I recognized since it's what writers do. Shakespeare cannibalized his stuff all the time.
Unfortunately, I cannot enjoy it when Joss does it. Anyone else, it might have been cute, but with as much contempt he's shown for his own creations as of late (Season Eight and Nine), I can't find it enjoyable. There was just too much of it for me.

It's not that I don't enjoy seeing Natasha get one over on Loki. She's damn near perfect. She's a killer and a capable spy, but she's not heartless or emotionless. I just saw the reversal coming. Whether or not it's because of BtVS, I don't know, but the moment she stepped in there, I was like, "Oh, here it comes." Loki's downfall is and will always be his big flappy gob.

I don't have any tolerance for Whedon's work anymore. This film made that clear. Everyone told me to give it a shot, and I did. I tried. It was a good popcorn movie. Predictable, but wholly likable. I say predictable because I knew to expect a death (even before the spoilers came out) and it would be done "Whedon's way" (even if the decision to do a death was not his own) in those quick cuts/sucking chest wound sorta deals (gotta shock the audience or else it won't have enough pathos), and the dialogue was... Whedonesque (one reason I won't even attempt to watch The Cabin in the Woods). It was enjoyable, but I just kept being reminded of things I liked more... at one time, at least. The cast was wonderful, and their interviews and public appearances have given me a lot of warm fuzzy thoughts.

I suppose I'll be happy to see Thor 2 in 2013. Kenneth Branagh is back at the helm, and that makes me squee. If I ever get a decent FF movie, I'll be surprised. Also, if someone could kindly make House of M, I'd also be pleased as fruity punch.

[lilithbint.livejournal.com]

I did enjoy the movie although it reeked of Whedonisms.
Afterwards however I started considering race fail, gender fail and the fact that Coulson's death was so unexpected I couldn't even get sad and had to just look back on the epic bromances going on (I can't decide if I ship Tony/Cappy Tony/Bruce or just want to moosh all three together in a big old Loki/Thor sandwich)
and Jeremy Renner deserves so much better than that add on character who only seemed to be there to advance Black widow story angst *sigh*Spike*sigh*

[fenderlove.livejournal.com]

SHIP ALL THE AVENGERS! Seriously, they need to get into one big cuddle-puddle. I have to admit that I'm a Domestic Avengers SuperHusbands type (Steve/Tony), but I adore SCIENCE BROS too (Bruce/Tony... and sometimes it's Bruce/Tony/Reed Richards because of EPIC SCIENCE). I need to write actual Thor/Loki though. They are too cute sometimes with their squishy Norse faces.

Jeremy Renner definitely deserved much better. He's a capable actor, and hearing that he was disappointed about how the script changed from the time he signed on to the start of filming makes me sad. :(

[lilithbint.livejournal.com]

Have you seen the blooper reel? Sueworld just linked to it.
Much Tom giggling.

[fenderlove.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes! His giggle is made of sunshine and rainbows. It also doesn't help that he did this...



Thomas, stop being precious. XD

[sueworld2003.livejournal.com]

It is very much a case of 'Whedon by numbers' isn't it. *g* I enjoyed it a great deal, but it did seem to go on for too long, and I think they could have at least cut the running time down by 20 or so.

[fenderlove.livejournal.com]

It did lag in there, didn't it? Normally, I don't even notice similarities like this upon first viewing, but these all jumped out screaming at me. Has BtVS entered my brain that much, or was it just that obvious?

I can't wait for Kenneth Branagh's Thor 2. At least that's popcorn good that I can get behind! Plus, I get the adorableness of Papa Ken directing Chris and Thomas. They are like a big ball of cute when put together. :D

[fangstress.livejournal.com]

I don't know. I really liked the Avengers. Planning to buy a copy. But maybe my view point is skewed-- I was a huge comics fan growing up. :-) What I loved was the storytelling. Somehow-- Whedon managed to work with an ensemble cast in a way that seemed ... seamless... to me, anyway. It was the transitions that I think I liked the most. On the other hand, I'm probably a little weird. :-)

[fenderlove.livejournal.com]

I've been reading comics since I was seven. My dad got me started with Marvel, and I was excited for the film until I realized Whedon rewrote the script and was directing it. The cast is flawless, but I can't really give Whedon credit for that since they were already assembled and already perfect for their parts, given their past experiences. There's a reason that the "Perfect Cast is Perfect" meme has been going the rounds at Tumblr; those actors embody those roles no matter who is directing them. This movie was enjoyable, but it could have been shorter with less quipage, and it wouldn't have suffered.

I don't think you're weird. I know a lot of people really love this film, and that's wonderful. I don't want to take that away from people. However, I can't help feeling the way I feel about Whedon's writing. I'm glad that the film did so well because that means I get another Thor film, another Captain America film, and another Iron Man film, but, if Whedon writes and directs Avengers 2, I will have to wait to see it for free as I did this one. I'll just rewatch Thor in the meantime until I wear out my DVD.

[spankingfemme.livejournal.com]

Your review is too funny! XD

[fenderlove.livejournal.com]

Thank you! :D